Business Plan.

BUSINESS PLAN.


By D. Jonas Laurence



Stop drinking so much.
Stop sleeping in so much and wasting the precious day lying in bed.
Stop wandering around and doing nothing, looking out windows at the dying sun, looking across courtyards of eternity trying to catch a peek in a neighbours window – into their lives that are so much better and more productive than yours.
Be more productive.
Be better.
Write great stories of bullshit for people to buy and give you some of their money.
Get a cool haircut.
Grow a big goatee beard.
Become famous.
Take a lot of drugs and drink too much.
Become irratic in your behaviour – it will sell more.
Beat up people in bars.
Get arrested almost every other month.
Check into rehab.
Preach about sobriety before falling off the wagon.
Date supermodels and maybe give one a black eye.
Get tattoos.
Go crazy.
After a while become sane again. (important)
Get someone pregnant.
Lose custody of a child.
Learn to play guitar and start a band.
Release an album that no one buys.
Buy a big house.
Ride motorcycles.
Crash motorcycles.
Almost die of:
Motorcycle crashes.
Drug overdoses.
Getting shot by a drug dealer.
Having a stalker try and stab you.
Getting cancer.
Syrosis of the liver.

Be cool.
And then become uncool for a few years.
Then become cool again – even cooler than the first time you were cool.
Make people believe that at any moment you could self implode, that you could be gone. Make people realise the fragile beauty of life is it’s fleetingness.
Be saved from yourself by your friends.
Return to your family and recuperate and soak in their love of you.
Grow a full beard and long hair.
Take to wearing big black overcoats and walking city streets in the rain.
Be photographed in small cafes drinking espresso and smoking cigarettes.
Talk on your mobile phone a lot. (it makes people curious as to who your are talking to and what about)
Release a book of poetry that everyone hates, that is laughed at by critics, and yet becomes a best seller….in Japan.
Be photographed on beaches in exotic locations while you are:
Cheating on your wife.
Looking too fat.
Looking too thin.
Drinking a beer.
Surfing.
Smoking a joint.
Kissing a man.

Live in New York, at some place like the Chelsea Hotel.
Take some more heroin and cocaine – as long as some one sees and leaks it to the papers.
Go to really cool parties at the Playboy Mansion.
Start a rumour that you might be seeing Paris Hilton.
Go to basketball games and sit at courtside yelling insults at a certain player until they start screaming insults back at you.
Act in an arty independent movie.
Win an award and turn up unshaven and drunk. Be funny.
Start doing charity work.
Get more money than you know what to do with.
And then work extra hard at making even more money – for no reason.
Buy cool clothes and cars.
Appear on MTV Cribs.
Remember to forget to pay your taxes.
Lose all your money.
Become bankrupt.
And then become a millionaire again in about two years. By selling your autobiography.
Finally sit down and relax and ponder your life.
Then try to do something that is actually real.
Maybe then you can be happy.

All this I am going to do.
After I have a wank.
And watch some TV.



THE END.